As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please read our disclosure policy.
Dear Dr. Cherrye,
Elder Abuse and Neglect appear to be a sad phenomenon. My best friend has an elderly father who she feels is being abused and neglected by her brother. I do not want to get involved, yet I want to help in some way. How can I give sound advice and still not implicate myself to her brother and siblings. I mean, this could get really messy.
Dear this could get really messy,
I can share ideas and tips of how to assist your friend, but it will be up to your friend not to implicate or share with her brother and siblings that you are aiding her. it is noble of you, however, to assist because elder abuse is far and wide and must be dealt with. Elders deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and just because they move slower and may have cognitive issues preventing them from actively engaging in activities, and taking care of their medical, and financial issues doesn’t mean they are ‘throw-aways’ who should be treated any differently than they were in their younger years.
What is Elder Abuse and Neglect?
Before I delve into how you can help your friend with tips, let us define what elder abuse and neglect is and what it looks like. Well, to put it in summary, elder abuse and neglect is usually an intentional action by anyone who purposefully causes harm or serious risk of injury to an older person or adult.
Remember however, neglect may involve an occurrence that is accidental (not on purpose) but abuse usually always involves intent to cause harm. If a sibling or the caretaker in charge of taking care of an elderly person neglects them, they simply have a disregard, careless action of duties. This failure to help the elderly may include not giving them proper supervision, medicine, proper hygiene, medical care when needed, and/or physical and emotional support.
In my research experiences, the culprit usually wants one thing: money! Yes, that is sadly correct. The perpetrator is savvy in manipulating the elder (usually someone they have direct access to) out of their money, homes, vehicles, and assets. The elder is helpless, and many times scared of their own loved one, or caretaker. This is why someone that cares deeply or otherwise must step in and shelter them – protect their resources and finances.
Certainty/Or Uncertainty
But here’s my question to you and your friend: How do you know that her brother is doing these things? Is your friend sure of her claims? What evidence does she have? Before making accusations, one must be sure. Once certain, your friend must take action.
If your friend has all her proof (documentation) including recordings, photos, videos, receipts, and/or bank transcripts she must intervene. Our elderly can sometimes be afraid fearing the ones who are closest to them. Yes, they once trusted these individuals and more than likely love them, but sadly, money and greed blinds that love (sometimes) – many times in situations like these.
Adult Protective Services
You must intervene, but how? Adult Protective Services (APS) is a great first start, but you must have documentation and proof in order. APS is an agency provided by our government to assist in suspected but warranted allegations. APS representatives will investigate, but they are skillful in their approaches. They will be able to detect if elderly people have been abused, exploited or neglected by their children or an appointed caregiver. APS representatives are trained in detecting mistreatment, negligent health issues and more. In some few cases, APS may appoint a surrogate to help safeguard the elderly and make decisions that will be in their best interest.
What Else?
Consider calling 911 or your law enforcement/Police (local)
Consider contacting APS
If necessary, consider how to get your elder into a Long-Term Care facility
Talk to your loved ones Primary Care Physician (PCP). They will have sources
Talk to a Trusted Family Member. Put your heads together and form a Plan
Do you have an Eldercare Locator in Your area? Find out. Do your research.
Statistics
Finally, Elder Abuse is ongoing and sadly prevalent. One may be surprised at how widespread it really is. During my research, I learned that women experience abuse more than their male counterparts. Sadly, at least 1/10 elders suffer from some form of abuse annually. Isn’t this alarming?
YOUR THOUGHTS?
What experiences have you had on this topic? Please share with this audience.
STAY TUNED
Look for upcoming blog posts on Elder Abuse. The below titles are left for me to address:
*Physical
*Sexual
OPEN FOR COMMENTS
IMPORTANT
I have made it my mission to assist parents and educators in resolving the bullying issues children suffer. Offering your feedback and suggestions in the comment section could facilitate meaningful dialogue on this critical issue among ourselves and I encourage this. I will respond to each comment in a timely way. Should you wish to speak privately with me, please email me at cherryeVasquez@gmail.com and I will reply promptly.
Please take advantage of my 3 Free resources by downloading them today. One of them includes my FREE Bullying Checklist. If you feel that your child has been bullied, please use the checklist to determine if your ‘gut feelings’ are accurate.
