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Dear Dr. Cherrye,
I am a very involved, hands-on grandmother who loves her granddaughter dearly. I am feeling afraid and disappointed that my little queen has experienced bullying in the classroom at her school. To give my granddaughter relief, she has been moved to a different classroom. My sister told me that you were a good person to confer with about this issue. What help can you share with me on addressing the child bully, please?
Dear what help can you share with me on addressing the bully, please,
Addressing the child bully right where he/she is a phenomenon that has been around for a long while now. In my opinion, it has not been addressed enough, and certainly not strategically. I believe more has to be done in this area.
Yes, bullying has been talked about, tossed around and discussed by many teachers and school administrators alike, but to stop the classroom bully we must address this issue ‘head on’.
You should know, Dr. Cherrye does not believe in ‘tiptoeing’ around when there is a bully lurking about in our schools and classrooms. Why? Because a child’s happiness and life could possibly be at stake. In addition, I believe children should be able to attend school absent of fear and intimidation from school bullies. Schools should be safe-havens full of active learning, care and concern as children navigate through the hallways, and inside their classrooms. Schools are places of learning and sometimes advancing social skills first learned at home.
To get started, I want to share with you and remind my reading audience that I have addressed this topic step-by-step in a parental manual titled, ‘The Bully Band Parents in Rhythm’.
I would love to gift you a copy of this manual. If you follow my suggestions, I believe you will be able to help your granddaughter because first things first. Are you ready? Follow my technique and begin your documentation. Note how I color code.
I must say: Dr. Cherrye does not believe in putting band aids on bullying behaviors or punishing the innocent child. Instead of moving your granddaughter to another classroom, the classroom bully should have been STOPPED.
Dr. Cherrye also has Questions: Why should your granddaughter lose the relationships she has built and bonded with in her classroom since the first day of school? Why should she have to form new relationships this late in the school year, or have to start sitting in the cafeteria with new classmates? My answer is: She should not have!
GET BUSY – STOP THE BULLY!
Children/Classmates
- Tell your granddaughter (who is clearly the victim) to look the bully straight in his/her eyes and stay, “STOP!” They do not have to yell, but they do need to remove themselves from the situation. They should do an ‘about face’ and walk away
- If the bully decides to follow, walk toward a trusted adult, or group of friendly faces (friends)
- Tell your granddaughter never reveal how scared, intimated, or concerned she feels. Don’t give the bully ammunition
- Tell your granddaughter to talk to a Teacher, Administrator, School Counselor, and especially her parents. Talking to all who are available helps a lot
Teachers/Administrators/School Counselors/School Staff
Addressing the child bully means the entire school staff must band together. There has to be consistency in how to deal with the bully. This endeavor has to be an ‘all hands-on deck’ school wide, systematic approach.
Firstly, there has to be rules and regulations comprising a written Bully Plan (black and white). If there isn’t one, schools are NOT in compliance. All school districts must have operational/functional bully plans.
Top administrators in charge stemming from the School Board to the school district’s A team (Executive Directors, Directors, and such), funneled into school campuses (Principals, Assistant Principals, School Counselors) should be fully aware that written policies are mandated and made available to anyone, especially parents inquiring and requesting to see, and obtain copies. In addition, classroom teachers and school staff should receive annual training.
Getting Started
Form a Bully Committee
One cannot make progress void of a bully committee setting workable bully standards. The committee must ask and address these issues:
- What will you do with the bully? What is the first point of action?
- How will the bully’s parents be involved? Will they cooperate? If not, how can you make them apart of the solution? Please note. This may involve making the parents of the bully very uncomfortable. They may have to spend time with their child bully at home.
- This may mean the bully’s parents will have to miss work or find childcare. Whatever the situation, they must learn their child cannot bully. Parents should be made responsible for the actions of their child bully. Do they want law enforcement involved? Ask them!
- Ensure that you have current home/work telephone numbers. If not, you must obtain this important information. Usually, parents of child bullies will not have updated phone numbers on file. Insist!
- Some parents will not want to be bothered. Until you get this information, the child bully cannot return back to school. Let’s get real! It is time out. In fact, it is over time!
- Now it’s time to work on the bully. Find out more about his/her home life, personality, character. Why is the bully so angry and mean to his/her classmates?
- Determine the antecedents surrounding his/her day. What time of day does he/she get angry? Where is the child when he’s angry? Are there any witnesses that observed his/her behaviors? What occurred just before the unwarranted behavior(s)?
- How will the campus Counselor intervene? What action plan will be in place?
- Along with learning to respect his/her classmates, the school bully needs compliance training and respect for authority.
Survey teachers and staff. What do they see? In-keeping within the parameters of state laws, what are the committee’s ideas? We must first begin with how the child victim will be protected. Then….
Written, mandatory bully policies should also include bullying actions on, off, during after school events and cyberbullying – to include retaliation. Bully policies should be standard and include how parents/students can report bullying issues and how they can report anonymously. What methods should be used, and how?
Secondly, most campus administrators will protect the names of the bully’s parents, but by law, the parents of the bully should be notified just as you have. The victim’s parents have to be notified within 3 days, and the bully’s parents within a reasonable time. Actually, I think this rule is awful and should be changed. I think the victim’s parents should be notified immediately, and the bully’s parents just afterward (the same school day). No time should be wasted.
Investigative Procedures
Investigations of what occurred both verbally and behaviorally should be documented. I discuss how to do this in my e-book noted above, but investigations should be PROMPT. There should be an agreed upon and understood action of what to do in the interim with the bully, and it doesn’t include removing the innocent victim who has just been harassed and tormented by the bully. Administrators shouldn’t punish the innocent child. Please stop doing this unless there just isn’t another workable option.
Parents of the Victim
Ensure that your child/grandchild realizes that you are there for them. You are all ears, and you aim to take immediate action. STOP, LOOK and LISTEN!
I believe in going through the ‘chain of commands’ but sometimes this approach falls flat. This may be the time to meet one-on-one with the head honcho (school Principal). This is what I call the ‘Come to Jesus‘ meeting. Stop whatever you are doing (including work) and schedule a meeting with the school Principal. They must know that you mean business and your grandchild will no longer endure the bully to the point of meeting with the Board of Education of the school district in which your grandchild is enrolled.
Absolutely zero time should be wasted. I do not want to scare anyone, but please remember, bullying could lead to bully-cide. Please do not hesitate learning more about bully-cide and what I have to say about this horrific topic.
Afterward, I would love for you to remain engaged in the fight to end childhood bullying, and/or bullying in the classroom. See my blog post addressing ‘Bully Upstander‘. Teach this approach to your grandchild and pray that it sticks schoolwide.
OPEN FOR COMMENTS
IMPORTANT
I have made it my mission to assist parents and educators in resolving the bullying issues children suffer. Offering your feedback and suggestions in the comment section could facilitate meaningful dialogue on this critical issue among ourselves and I encourage this. I will respond to each comment in a timely way. Should you wish to speak privately with me, please email me at cherryeVasquez@gmail.com and I will reply promptly.
Please take advantage of my 3 Free resources by downloading them today. One of them includes my FREE Bullying Checklist. If you feel that your child has been bullied, please use the checklist to determine if your ‘gut feelings’ are accurate.
