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Dear Dr. Cherrye,
I am a substitute teacher in a very large urban school district. I will not display the name of the school district because it is both irrelevant and unprofessional. I’m willing to bet though, what I’m about to describe occurs in most urban school districts almost everywhere.
Dr. Cherrye, I am appalled at the lack of discipline coupled with the boldness of the youngest of our enrolled children who are Pre-kindergarteners and kindergarteners. The lack of structure, social skills, manners, listening skills and following instructions from teachers, adults, and those in authority is just shocking to say the very least. What can parents and educators do to promote the advancement of manners, ownership for learning/good behavior, and respect for authority?
~ What can parents do …. ~
Dear, what can parents do….
I hear your concerns and while I do not wish to make light of them, you may be able to observe these behaviors in all schools and in ‘all walks of life’. Dr. Cherrye isn’t convinced that these behaviors are discovered in only the urban schools, but I hear your plea for assistance. Before I move on, however, I’d like to invite you to an earlier post I’ve written titled: ‘Teaching Our Children to Respect’. Please get a feel for my thoughts on your concerns as you continue to read this post for assistance.
I believe strongly that parents should begin a child’s training process at home, and infancy is a great starting point. Remember, “the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world“, but sadly, not every parent gets this right. Parents should remember that the best time to instill a sense of manners and respect for authority is within the child’s formative, moldable years.
Parenting can be a daunting task if not forecasted. What I mean by forecasting is the parents knowing the importance of mapping-out the child-rearing process in terms of dos and don’ts of raising a child. Parents should talk about this very important topic beforehand. Parents should also have a good idea of what home-life practices they will massage into the minds and hearts of their children. These include but are not limited to the following: love and respect, discipline, household chores, academics, religion, and even the environment and neighborhood in which parents want to raise their children. These variables are important in rearing kind, obedient, decent children. Take a look at this resource to gain eye-opening ideas, “Raising Good Humans: A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids“.
You might ask: How can parents render assistance from home? Parents should be readily available to work closely with teachers. Parents should ‘get to know’ their child’s teachers, gain a bit of background information (schooling, how long the teacher has taught, their academic expertise, teaching styles, etc. – (nothing personal). It wouldn’t hurt parents to get involved in PTO/PTA, home-room parent programs, volunteering, chaperoning educational excursions, and the like. Parents should instill high expectations within their children. Again, these expectations should begin in their formative years when learning how to clean-up after themselves, putting their toys away, and simple, age-appropriate chores.
Parents can also teach listening skills. Children should learn how to listen and do. Parents can role-model how this looks and feels. Eye contact and checking for understanding plays a huge role in this success as well. And let’s not forget about respect for authority. Parents should begin early teaching respect for the laws of our land. Making and enforcing rules at home will be advantageous to any child who enters schools.
Making and enforcing rules does not have to look punitive. This can be handled with love, compassion, and care. Remember, parents – use the words ‘please’, thank you’, ‘excuse me’, ‘I’m sorry’, and all the other polite social skills words during your child’s formative years and beyond. You want your child to be the child that every teacher and peer wants to be around. To get your mind clicking, read this resource, RUSSELL: The Kid Nobody Wants to be Around.
THE TEACHER
While we realize teachers have feelings and concerns, teachers should be careful about their tones, and height when interacting with students, especially pre-kindergarteners and kindergarteners. Remember, most youngsters this age are still small, and teachers tower over them. There’s no time for bullying and intimidation in our schools.
I have personally observed teachers talking down to students in mean, over-powering ways and this is not exhibiting or role-modeling how to interact with others. Put the bully-schemes aside, please. This behavior only teaches scare tactics. I believe teachers sometimes feel overwhelmed and the fear tactics is their course of action. Therefore, teacher reminders and trainings are so impactful.
TEACHER TRAINING
Teachers who love teaching seek training of all topics whether it’s in academics or learning new behavioral techniques. Administrators should plan these trainings carefully for each teacher. It’s important that teachers receive trainings they really need and not just some ‘throw-down’ training just to document that training has been completed. What for?
I want to also mention trauma in our schools, but this topic isn’t solely with the student in mind. Some teachers arrive on the door-steps of our schools traumatized. Trauma sensitive school trainings are also beneficial. Consider the total package – students and teachers.
STOP BEATING UP ON TEACHERS
Yes, I know. There’s no time to ‘beat-up’ on teachers, but this idea will be alleviated when we seek teachers who are passionately focusing on student awards vs student failures. Correct? Just remember, we must hire and retain teachers with the attitude of efficacy. When we do this, most times all problems can be resolved. Just remember – continual motivations, respect for teachers, encouragement, and individualized trainings.
FINALLY
It’s a team effort! When adults, both parents and teachers perform their jobs and do them well there’s always a win-win outcome. We can sit back and enjoy the beauty of well-trained children who respect and honor authority, the laws of our land, and watch them grow into great and honorable citizens of our society and people that we love to live and share our time and spaces with.
OPEN FOR COMMENTS
IMPORTANT
I have made it my mission to assist parents and educators in resolving the bullying issues children suffer. Offering your feedback and suggestions in the comment section could facilitate meaningful dialogue on this critical issue among ourselves and I encourage this. I will respond to each comment in a timely way. Should you wish to speak privately with me, please email me at cherryeVasquez@gmail.com and I will reply promptly.
Please take advantage of my 3 Free resources by downloading them today. One of them includes my FREE Bullying Checklist. If you feel that your child has been bullied, please use the checklist to determine if your ‘gut feelings’ are accurate.
