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Dear Dr. Cherrye,
When a bully threatens my child’s life, what am I to do? I am concerned because this has gotten past verbal threats, horse playing, and simple tugging here and there. My son is currently enduring significant harrassment, and this is actually threatening his well-being – his life. I am scared, but out of options. I need help, please!
Dear I need help, please:
When the bully threatens your child’s life, Dr. Cherrye believes it is time for you to take drastic, ‘out of the usual box’ measures. I realize that you have more than likely read all my previous suggestions, especially my blog on ‘Addressing the Child Bully’, but your child appears not to be receiving relief.
Sounds like the bully is persistently out of control, and school officials and the bully’s parents may be void of interventive ideas and support systems. Okay, so the usual tips of just ignoring the bully are no longer working. Without further delay, let us move forward outlining immediate help for your child, the bully-ee.
IMMEDIATE HELP FOR THE BULLY-EE
Well, the first thing we must do is safeguard your child. We do not want him to continue being harassed by the bully. At this point, it sounds as if your son is within a danger zone of feeling there is no hope or escape from the bully-menace. This is a very serious place to be in because he may feel trapped and alone.
During this season of turmoil, your child’s morale should not fall so low that the feeling of suicidal ideation fills his head, so first things first. If you have an inkling that your child may self-harm, this is a crisis you cannot ignore. Please read an article written by the Cleveland Clinic, Medically Reviewed (7/22/2024), and know the signs of suicide, know how to support your child, and then act swiftly.
No Delays
In haste, set up a meeting with the school Principal, Assistant Principal, school Counselor and Teachers. Insist that your son is monitored at all times. This is an ‘all hands-on deck’ moment. This has to be a systemic approach (even during Specials/Ancillary, lunch, and in the hallways). Be sure to address any isolated blind spots. The bully is cunning and loves these areas of the school building. Trust me. By now the bully knows every ‘nook and cranny’, so have all eyes open investigating all areas of the school where the bully loves to execute his bullying goals.
When a tight-knit plan of action is in place, it is the safest way to protect your son until this issue can be quickly ‘ironed out‘. You will now move toward working on next steps which involves legal intervention. This may feel awkward, but you have tried all other avenues pushing you to this point. The bullying must stop! Your son deserves to attend a bully-free school in a learning climate that is both safe and inviting.
Do Your Research
Please go to and read StopBullying.gov gaining more insights about your child’s rights. Learn about state and federal laws governing your state and what policies are in place that will assist you/your child. You are not alone!
Next Steps
If there are threats of physical, bodily endangerment and especially if your child is being physically hit or touched in any way, it is time to involve authorities, and I mean police.
Be sure to inform the school district and the administrators at your child’s school of your intent. They should realize by now that you are at wit’s end, but you did try other implementations (involving them) that just has not worked for your child. There is no time to lose. At this point, the bully’s parents/guardians will also realize they should have intervened much sooner.
Legal Steps
You have all of your accumulated documents. You have done your homework, taken my advice from ‘The Bully Band Parents in Rhythm’ on how to color-code the verbal bullying from the physical bullying, so now you’re ‘armed and ready’.
- Secure legal representation
- Be certain that your legal representation has a copy of the District’s Anti-bullying polices, along with your organized, color-coded documentation of all incidents
- Send the school district’s Board of Education & the school administrator’s notification by certified mail that you have documented proof of all your attempts to end the bullying that your son has endured, and now you have secured legal representation (reporting this incident to law enforcement)
- Inform the school district that your intent is to sue them for negligence. They did not protect your son against the bully
- Think about Civil Rights actions
- Seek restraining orders (be sure to note how this can work with both students attending the same school)
What Now?
After you have your legal representation working closely with you, you must wait this out and see where it goes from here. Be sure to remain aware of your son’s school situation. Check in determining if all systems are still ‘in check’ in terms of his safety. Ask for a school appointed, and responsible contact person who will communicate with you daily. Talk to your son daily asking how things are going at school. Notice his disposition, affect and movements. Ask him about his feelings. Motivate him with positive talks, and be on constant watch.
Trust Your Lawyer
Your legal representation is now in charge of defending this case. All communication should go through your lawyer. You have to have confidence and trust in their expertise. If you receive anything from school administrators, or the district be sure to pass it to your lawyer immediately.
Please do not respond to any correspondence from the school or administrators without involving your legal team. If you are invited to a meeting to discuss anything, invite your lawyer.
Continue to log any and all incidents including verbal, letters, emails, texts. Trust that your lawyer is ‘on top’ of things and can interact with any oppositions from the other side (school officials, parents of the bully).
Patience
Sit back now and wait this out. You should see and feel that you have been heard, but the main point is that your son will feel relief from the school bully. Trust the process, and feel to contact Dr. Cherrye anytime for additional ideas. Please keep me updated. I care!
OPEN FOR COMMENTS
IMPORTANT
I have made it my mission to assist parents and educators in resolving the bullying issues children suffer. Offering your feedback and suggestions in the comment section could facilitate meaningful dialogue on this critical issue among ourselves and I encourage this. I will respond to each comment in a timely way. Should you wish to speak privately with me, please email me at cherryeVasquez@gmail.com and I will reply promptly.
Please take advantage of my 3 Free resources by downloading them today. One of them includes my FREE Bullying Checklist. If you feel that your child has been bullied, please use the checklist to determine if your ‘gut feelings’ are accurate.
