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‘Tis the season to be jolly – Or is it? That’s the million dollar question, Dr. Cherrye. For some children and their families, the Christmas holidays can be the most wonderful time of the year! We will see children scurrying around during the ‘season to be jolly’, singing holiday tunes, and all with happy wide smiles from ear-to-ear. They have a reason to be happy, and rightfully so! But, what about children who have had trauma in their lives?

Dear what about children who have had trauma in their lives,

Among happy children frolicking around, yes, we will also notice children with smiles turned upside down because it just may not be ’tis the season to be jolly’ for them. As you and I know, this can be the toughest time of the year for some children and adults alike.

Some people will want to become invisible, while others will need someone to talk to – clinical therapists, school counselors, pastors/ministers/religious affiliates, trusted adults, and/or close relatives, or friends. We can only hope and encourage our children and families to reach out to people who are in support systems and positions.

I agree. We must not forget about the children who will not find ’tis the season to be jolly’ like other children and friends in their schools and neighborhoods. For whatever their personal reasons (hunger/poverty, loneliness, separation from their parents, abusive home lives, being bullied and isolated at school, just to name a few), the holiday season may bring about sad memories/moments.

Some children may stem on the negative(s) and spend lots of time flashbacking to dreadful thoughts in time. Among the list above, one of the saddest times in a child’s life during the holidays is the death of a loved one. I’d like to ask you and others to read an article written by Helen Stang (2019). It is titled, ‘7 Ways to Help Grieving Children During the Holidays’. Photos: Donald Sexton; TAPS Archives.

Bottom line. We must be proactive in setting uplifting tones and climates for children, and not only during the holiday seasons, but each and every day of the year. Children deserve our social emotional best!

Important Questions

What can WE do to help children feel better who may feel ‘blue’ around the holiday season? How can we help lift a child’s spirits/hearts so that they can enjoy what other children enjoy during this season?

How can we be upfront and initiate support for the parents who may need our assistance contacting familial resources?

A few family resources that come to mind are: Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (Dial 988), Mental Health America (MHA), Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA). If parents are looking for foods and clothing, they should check their local resources such as food banks, social workers, school counselors and ministries. These sources will have current information.

While Dr. Cherrye does not have all the answers, you and others in our reading community can think of additional ideas and/or activities. Together, we can decide to start somewhere lending a shoulder, a pat and a push, or an idea in our efforts to help lift these kids’ spirits.

A Few Ideas

• Be sure to help children get organized each day. Give them routines that they can accomplish and perhaps a checklist so that they can mark things off. This may make them feel accomplished!
• Be sure that children get three meals a day. Foods should be rich in greens and proteins, too. If you have those finicky eaters a great vitamin supplement is your best bet. It’s okay to add a few treats along the way, but balance it out.
• Note that whatever is going on will pass if you pointedly target those areas of concern in a delicate, but sure way.
• You don’t have to ‘break the bank’ to engage with children who are feeling ‘blue’. Seek out free or minimimally intrusive financial activities that everyone can enjoy on your budget.

Additional Activities

Books – Some selected, uplifting books with great storylines may help children relax, put smiles on their faces, help them laugh a little, or sooth their minds. So go ahead and choose books that will assist childlren in ‘feel good’ talks. Add a few books with storylines of how to put a smile on someone else’s face, too, such as in ‘Activity Story Book Sunshine and Her Big Blarney Smile! Get their minds turning on how to help someone, and/or talk about how to treat people with kindness. Afterwards, ask the children if they want to draw about what they are feeling, and then have a discussion.

Anti-depressants may help some children, but if we can avoid drugs, perhaps some children can get through the holidays without medication.

Journaling – Writing is good for the soul! Give your troubled child/children a pencil and a journal and just let them write freely expressing their inner thoughts. You can learn more about what’s ailing them, and begin to strategize your next move in terms of further assisting the child/children. Be sure to use lots of affirmations and feel good self-fulfilling prophecy words with children, too. Encourage reflective thoughts and self-discovery.

Soothing, Calming Environment

A child’s atmosphere and surroundings should always be calm regardless of the season, but especially during the holidays. Think about the climate which you create for children whether at home or school, and especially for those who remain traumatized or feel ‘blue’ during the holiday season. Become initiative-taking in selecting comfort zones that are uplifting and not drawn to further depression. Another point I want to make is that some children are affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder. This disorder is not well-known or talked about but is worth researching. For more information, please take a closer look at this article, ‘Seasonal Affective Disorder’ written by Nemours Children’s Health; Medically reviewed by: Sabrina Gretkierewicz, Ph.D.; Date Reviewed, October 2023.

Baking/Cooking with an Adult

Engage the children in the kitchen. Baking holiday cookies can be lots of fun, but if your child wants to avoid anything holiday, bake without the holiday theme in mind. Make a list and seek out people who you and the child/children can deliver your baked goods – perhaps to neighbors or teachers. Cooking is another fun way to bond and elicit talk with children who just need to let it all out. Dust off that cookbook, get to cooking and begin those conversations. Start talking!

Games

As you well know, there are lots of engaging games out there that can capture a child’s attention while they are having fun. For one example, crossword puzzles can be a form of meditation, offering focused and calming stimulation for the mind. These same games can help with mental stability as well. I want to encourage you to involve children in playing games this season while pointedly taking their minds off their sad, problematic issues. Remember, the idea for you is to hand-pick games with careful thought. Here are a few additional games that come to mind: Bingo, Calming Puzzles, Conversation Starters. Feel free to add fun and upbeat games to my list and keep it going.

Movie Nights

Go ahead and gather the kids for a great movie, and it does not have to be a Christmas movie. Grab those soothing snacks and enjoy. Take control choosing a few movies with a theme that children can learn from. Take a voting census for the final movie choice and go for it! Use this time to talk about plots, feelings, and ‘what ifs’. Get the children thinking as they take turns sharing problems, solutions, outcomes, and possible endings.

Talking

Just let them talk! Be sure to let children know that you are there with open ears. Let them express themselves – their feelings as you nod your head proving to them that you are listening. This is their time to pour it all out to you. Do not interrupt. Let the child finish before you give wise counsel and/or advice. It is okay to share your own experiences governing their topic just long as your comments are thoughtful and safe. Talking can provide a sense of purpose and connection while bonding and gaining togetherness.

Exercise

Get the children moving around and just acting silly making up their own moves. They can move to music and/or just make-up chants using a karaoke machine. You’d be surprised how moving gets their adrenaline flowing and just afterward how good it feels to unwind. Or, just use any exercise equipment in your home that is safe for children. I love treadmills! While there, I can think and reflect about my day. Teach children how to think and reflect about happy thoughts.

Please also review my Blog Post titled, ‘Merry Christmas, Or not?’ to learn how school teachers, administrations and educators can become initiative-seeking finding solutions and better way to help our children in the classroom this holiday season.

OPEN FOR COMMENTS 

I look forward to hearing your thoughts and opinions in the comment section below. 

IMPORTANT 

I have made it my mission to assist parents and educators in resolving the bullying issues children suffer. Offering your feedback and suggestions in the comment section could facilitate meaningful dialogue on this critical issue among ourselves and I encourage this. I will respond to each comment in a timely way. Should you wish to speak privately with me, please email me at cherryeVasquez@gmail.com and I will reply promptly.

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