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Dear Dr. Cherrye,
My mother-in-law does not have a relationship with our biracial child – her granddaughter. I suppose she just has not ‘wrapped her head around’ the fact that her grandchild is not ‘lily white’ so our child does not get the same treatment that her cousins get. I try not to say anything to my husband about the glaring differences – after all she is his mother, but if I can see how my mother-in-law treats our daughter, I know he does as well. I do not want to make a scene, or have tension in my home, but I am not sure how to manage this anymore. I just want to scream – ‘You share the same blood. It’s your grandchild!‘ for crying aloud.
~ For crying aloud ~
Dear For crying aloud,
Whew! This is a tough, testy subject, isn’t it? I can imagine how you might feel, but even more – your daughter. It is a sad realization, but there are multiracial or biracial children who do not have relationships with their grandparents and only because of one glaring reason – The child is biracial! Some grandparents cannot accept the fact their own child has entered relations with another who is of a different racial make-up than theirs.
I wonder how many grandparents – those choosing not to have a relationship with their biracial grandchildren, realize the emotional effect they pose on these children. And, for what good reason? Isn’t life far too short for this sort of nonsense?
Okay, so let me talk to the grandparents!
Come on grandma and grandpa! – It has been over 50 years since interracial marriages became legal in states. When you have time, please read the article ‘Intermarriage in the U.S. 50 Years after Loving and Virginia written by Gretchen Livingston and Anna Brown (2017); Pew Research Center. By now you would think that most grandparents would have come to terms with the fact that during this 21st century America, we would expect to see more interracial families among us. Isn’t it the right of your children to have the freedom to marry whoever they want? Isn’t it a person’s given right to live happily-ever-after with any person they choose to regardless of their race?
I know some people will have a problem with me bringing religion into this conversation, but I think a good question to ask is how God would have you oversee this issue? I do not think he would approve of grandparents ill-treating their own flesh and blood-grandchildren, do you?
Grandparents, your biracial/multiracial grandchildren are not:
- bastard children – since their parents are married
- mentally and physical inferior to your mono race – let this myth die, please
- second rated citizens – many are beautiful and talented, too
- to be looked at as minority citizens, but Biracial and/or Multiracial – They do not have to choose one race over the other – Their race is their choice
- prisoners of the Jim Crow ‘one drop rule’ help them denounce this ugliness! Bi means two!
Our biracial child has the right to be recognized as biracial. All biracial children should be taught to ‘own’ their race. Their racial identity of who they are will be important, so they can be happy citizens in our society who can and will grow up proud, armoring self-pride/confidence as they resist the messages of racism (whether verbal or silent) from others. It is too bad your grandchild cannot count on you!
Your biracial grandchildren should be taught that they will encounter other ignorant people ill-treating them, but your faces should not be a part of the ‘line-up.’ Your biracial grandchildren should be able to count on the support of their very own grandparents as they journey through the never-ending racism of others. Racism permeates their lives as it is. The biracial child should be able to look to you, grandparents, as a source of support and love. It is the families of biracial children who help strengthen them to deal with racial myths and unnecessary hatred.
Your biracial grandchild has the right to racial equality. Why wouldn’t he/she have that right? Don’t you think it is silly for them not having racial equality solely based on their racial identity? When will you be ready and willing to help your biracial grandchild confront and deal with the struggles of racism? If not, why not? What do you have to say for yourself? Tell me?
Do you understand the implications of social and racial inequalities that mixed-race children face when people further hurt and isolate them? Why would you want to add to, or become a part of this?
Stop for a moment and examine your own life grandma and grandpa:
- Are you seen as the Christian person in your circle/church?
- Are you seen as loving, fair people?
- Are you wearing a mask and hiding your true feelings of hate and vile?
- Can you really hate/mistreat your very own grandchild?
- Do you choose your friends and associates based on the color of their skin?
There is work to be done in this area, and grandparents can play a huge part in first steps by accepting and embracing their grandchildren with the love and support they need and deserve to survive peacefully in this society. Will you begin to do your part grandparents? My Diversity Daybook journal was written to help children learn the importance of acceptance and inclusion of all races and heritages, but I think this journal can be used as a first step as you begin to ‘break the ice’ learning about your grands. Help them evolve and grow learning about their two worlds as combined happiness. Going between both grandma’s houses should be a blast of fun.
If not, it is time for you to gain your senses and recognize the error of your ways. Life is too short to miss the fun times that can be enjoyed with your beautiful biracial grandchildren. You Share the Same Blood – It is Your Grandchild! So, get a grip!
OPEN FOR COMMENTS
I look forward to hearing your thoughts and opinions in the comment section below.
IMPORTANT
I have made it my mission to assist parents and educators in resolving the bullying issues children suffer. Offering your feedback and suggestions in the comment section could facilitate meaningful dialogue on this critical issue among ourselves and I encourage this. I will respond to each comment in a timely way. Should you wish to speak privately with me, please email me at cherryeVasquez@gmail.com and I will reply promptly.
Please take advantage of my 3 Free resources by downloading them today. One of them includes my FREE Bullying Checklist. If you feel that your child has been bullied, please use the checklist to determine if your ‘gut feelings’ are accurate.
