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Dear Dr. Cherrye,
I realize during this era of increased bullying in our schools worldwide that we must ‘plunge forward’ in aggressive manners in our attempt to end bullying behaviors. As we try to acquire a handle on this pandemic, it is a never-ending circle. Our children do not seem to have a sense of remorsefulness in their hearts. What is your ‘take’ on this growing issue, Dr. Cherrye? I have come to realize that we are ‘putting the horse before the cart.”
~ Putting the horse before the cart ~
Dear Putting the horse before the cart,
Before we can teach children how to own a sense of remorsefulness, we must teach them how to have an embedded sense of care for others. It is important for children to emit remorseful feelings when they act or react to their friends in situations that are not pleasing to them whilst engaged in relational activities. This teaching must begin early; however, we cannot wait until children reach school age and then begin worrying about and teaching appropriate interaction with others. By this time, it may be far too late. A child is never too young to gain a sense of remorse, so the earlier we begin teaching these skills the better off they will be.
What does it mean to have remorse?
According to Wikipedia, remorse is a distressing emotion experienced by an individual who regrets actions which they have done in the past that they deem to be shameful, hurtful, or wrong. Remorse is closely aligned to guilt and self-directed resentment. When a person regrets an earlier action or failure to act, it may be because of remorse or in response to various other consequences. See what Tana at: tana@suchalittlewhile.com has to say about remorse in her blog post titled, ‘My Child Shows No Remorse‘
Acquiring and internalizing a sense of remorsefulness can prove to halt, slow down or even end displeasing behaviors. Teach your children how to say, “I’m sorry,’ whenever they have offended someone. Parents, teachers, and leaders should role-model before children how this practice looks. Showing children how to say I am sorry and mean it helps instill emotional expressions of personal regret within children and the feelings grow deep inside after they commit an act in which they know is shameful, wrong, or hurtful – we would be sure to mold and create children who will learn to genuinely care about others.
But how do we do teach children to have a sense of remorsefulness?
One important thing to remember is to constantly talk to your child prior to leaving home. Do this daily.
Another tip is to observe how your child interacts with the family pet(s) or play dolls/stuffed animals. If your child is mean to the family pet, or harsh on baby dolls, this is a good indication that your child will act the same way with his/her friends. Stop your child immediately and redirect his/her behaviors. Stop and discuss the incident. If you let this fester, more than likely your child will take these behaviors on the playground, on play dates, and to the school.
Talk with your child about the feelings of others. For example, “I saw what happened on the playground today between Suzy and Carol. Suzy must be disappointed and upset with Carol. What can you do to help them feel better about each other so that they can play well together? You can also use books to help teach, share and tell stories. Here’s a cute one.
We must begin working with our children much sooner as we spend quality time with them talking and role playing through issues and showing them how to respect and care for the feelings of their friends, acquaintances, and family members.
OPEN FOR COMMENTS
I look forward to hearing your thoughts and opinions in the comment section below.
IMPORTANT
I have made it my mission to assist parents and educators in resolving the bullying issues children suffer. Offering your feedback and suggestions in the comment section could facilitate meaningful dialogue on this critical issue among ourselves and I encourage this. I will respond to each comment in a timely way. Should you wish to speak privately with me, please email me at cherryeVasquez@gmail.com and I will reply promptly.
Please take advantage of my 3 Free resources by downloading them today. One of them includes my FREE Bullying Checklist. If you feel that your child has been bullied, please use the checklist to determine if your ‘gut feelings’ are accurate.
