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Dear Dr. Cherrye,
Our son appears to be in a ‘blue funk’ and is quite down on himself here lately. Once he gets started on a project and begins to set things in motion, he fails. Currently, he is looking to acquire gainful employment, but nothing seems to be working out for him. This kid is highly intelligent, and he really does try hard, so it hurts us to see him like this. We know it is just ‘a stroke of bad luck’ is nothing that he is doing to cause all these setbacks, but we just do not want these events to scar his mental state.
Dear scar his mental state,
As a mother, Dr. Cherrye certainly understands your concerns. No one wants to see their children in such a blue funk, downward mental state, so I empathize with you. We first must dissect the ‘why’ behind the ‘blue funk’. Perhaps this era in your son’s life may be just unwelcome timing, but I want us to look at other possible variables as well. We certainly do not want further downward spirals.
I realize that your son is very intelligent and sometimes children, and adolescents alike, who fit this characterization try too many things at one time. Be sure that your son is focusing on one project, or job at a time. To do this, he may have to prioritize and make goals that are reachable and/or place them in categories of short and long term.
It’s okay to take baby steps. Smaller strides may assist in successful goal-setting just long as he is moving in the right direction. Doing so allows his goals to become reachable. We want any changes that he reaches to remain positive. Let’s talk about examples of positive change.
Positive Change
Most people, even adults for an example, feel that making money makes them happy. I’m sure making money is at the top of your son’s list. And, of course making money can make one happy, but money can be quite temporary, especially once it is spent on goods and/or services. Right? I want to recommend you speaking candidly to your son about celebrating smaller wins. How can you help your son look at small incremental successes – ones that he can use to grow and scaffold? Talk to him about making benchmarks toward smaller wins. Encourage him to think creatively as he visualizes not achieving larger ‘stepping stones’ without the assistance of the smaller ones before them. Once your son can see this picture with his mind’s eye, he will be on his way to greater preparation and times well spent toward heightened outcomes. Now let us get him prepared.
Preparations
What are your son’s skill sets? Have him jot down his talents, and what he can ‘bring to the table’ at any job, but especially in the areas he’s seeking. Is your son good and/or okay with note taking or journaling? If so, help him see his successes on paper. Help him note progress points after each interview. What did he feel went well? What are the things he feels he needs to work toward doing better, or fixing? And, by all means, encourage him to pick up the phone and inquire about himself as the running candidate. Encourage him to let his perspective bosses know that he’s genuinely interested in the job.
I want to share this great article that may give you more insights on successful interviewing. Indeed (employees) Editorial Team (June 19, 2018) is titled: A Game Plan for Interviewing: Essential Tips Before Meeting With Candidates. Please also share this article with your son. His tone, outer appearance and salesmanship are key ingredients for ‘pulling off’ a win.
Appearance (Tone and Salesmanship)
What method has your son utilized in approaching potential companies? Tell your son to be sure to sell himself. While interviewing, and whenever the time is right, tell him to ‘strike while the iron is hot‘. He can share what his contributions and/or assets will be for the company. Tell him to do this with as much enthusiasm as he can without looking like a pony-show, and remember to share examples of past experiences and ongoing strengths.
What has his interview ‘tone’ been like? Can his ‘blue funk’ be detected by the interviewer? Let’s hope not.
I’ll provide a checklist of tips concerning behaviors:
- Always dress like the professional he hopes to be
- It’s extremely important to arrive on time (if not a few minutes early). Do this to relax a bit and perhaps go the the restroom
- Be sure to tell him to listen very well and allow the interviewee to complete his question(s) and/or thought(s) before chiming in
- Let his body language talk for him. Look interested, eager and ask questions at the appropriate time
- Always have his resume in tow, and a ledger to take notes
- It’s okay to take notes for immediate recall, and so that there are no loose-ends meaning so relay, or questions needing answering prior to the end of the interview.
Is your son opened to role-modeling with you, or a close friend? He can also use a mirror to practice. Role-modeling may give him the confidence needed as he prepares to answer unexpected questions. As his parents, this may give you insight of skills he is lacking, and or need to ‘beef up’. I’m sure he’ll welcome your loving critiques.
Fulfilling hopes and dreams
Celebrate successful wins with your son. Why not? Show him that you are behind him. Doing so will give him a sense of empowerment and greater strength. Accomplishments in life just makes any one feel great inside and believe it or not, beaming is revealed outside (physically) in presentation – the way he’ll walk, talk and appear. So, go ahead and help your son put this ‘blue funk’ mentality behind him for good.
OPEN FOR COMMENTS
I look forward to hearing your thoughts and opinions in the comment section below.
IMPORTANT
I have made it my mission to assist parents and educators in resolving the bullying issues children suffer. Offering your feedback and suggestions in the comment section could facilitate meaningful dialogue on this critical issue among ourselves and I encourage this. I will respond to each comment in a timely way. Should you wish to speak privately with me, please email me at cherryeVasquez@gmail.com and I will reply promptly.
Please take advantage of my 3 Free resources by downloading them today. One of them includes my FREE Bullying Checklist. If you feel that your child has been bullied, please use the checklist to determine if your ‘gut feelings’ are accurate.
She doesn’t say the age of her son – could be a teenager, or young adult – nor does she list his strengths and skill sets. Her question is very general – though I feel your answer was good – had great info – maybe the son is striving for positions that he hasn’t earned the experience in – if he has a strength why not volunteer in that area to gain much needed experience?
If her son is highly intelligent (as she says) maybe he isn’t striving for something that would challenge him – prospective employers do pick up on that fact – I would just like to know more. What does she mean that he fails?
Just food for thought.
Thank you so much for your comments, Judy. You have raised great questions.
My goal is to answer questions from the information sent. My attempt here was to offer ideas for successful interviewing in hopes that her son may pull out of his ‘blue funk’. I usually do not probe the sender further but try to offer support from the ‘knowns’ given/sent me.
My understanding is that her son failed repeatedly at gaining gainful employment and had begun to feel down on himself. My goal was to assist the mom in ideals of how to help her son with interviewing processes.
I hope the sender (mom) will see your great questions, receive them, and decide to add more information (answer your questions). Perhaps she will give us an update as well. Let us hope so. I welcome further discussions.
Thank you again,
Dr. Cherrye
Thank you for sharing!!! This is an awesome way to continue parenting by connecting with your adult children. Love the checklist. Lots of others could use this advice as well – especially those trying to get back into the marketplace!
Thank you so much for stopping by Sherrill.
You are very welcome. I love helping parents help their children regardless of their ages. As we both know, parenting does not stop when our children become adults. Somehow, we are still involved in their lives even if they do not really need us. Sometimes we make helpful, loving suggestions as deemed needed, and sometimes they ask for our input and advice. Either way, we love them so much that we want to help guide.
I am happy that the checklist is helpful. Since COVID-19 and even now through this recession, it may become exceedingly difficult to jump back into the marketplace.
I am happy that this mom wrote to me. I sense that she was beginning to hurt for her son and needed ideas of how she could support him while alleviating his concerns. Seeing him in a ‘blue funk’ must make her feel uneasy.
I am here to support however I can.
Take care,
Dr. Cherrye
❤️
I believe you zeroed in on the issue in exactly the right way. Dr. Cherrye. It led me to a couple of thoughts that I believe are worth mentioning. It is often difficult to see oneself in the same light as the interviewer, who must be alert to ascertaining whether qualifications, suitability, maturity and good character are present in the interviewee, ultimately to represent the company in a good light. The interviewee should be aware of the objectives of the interviewer in order to know what foot to put forward at appropriate stages of the interview. As someone who has interviewed hundreds of prospects over my career, there were a couple of interviewee behaviors that I deemed to be negatives/deal breakers, despite the fact that they believed they were putting their best foot forward:
1. The overly polished, rehearsed delivery by the interviewee was a negative in my view. While I respected that he/she did research, perhaps studied recommendations for a good interview and follow up process, the overly assertive approach, perhaps to exude self-confidence, was too unnatural and staged. What I wanted to determine was how well the individual expressed him/herself spontaneously, while still having an appreciation for the relativity of the question(s) to the job and the company. The authentic, candid and focused approach was appreciated.
2. While I didn’t expect each interviewee to show up perfectly dressed, I did look for suitable grooming and cleanliness. Not everyone can afford a good business suit starting out, but it speaks highly of the individual’s respect and awareness to show up clean and tidy. How an individual presents him/herself, speaks highly of how he/she will respect the company. The positive approach is to try to see what the interviewer sees and wants the successful applicant to present and take what they learn to the next interview.
There are many aspects but overall, if you think you are a good fit for a position and are still not successful, it does not hurt to follow up after losing out, to courteously ask what the reasons were for being turned down, explaining that you want to learn from the experience. I always respected the candidate’s effort to reach out and made a favorable note on file, in the event that something suitable arose down the road.
It is paramount for everyone, but especially those trying to get a start in life, to realize that being interviewed is a learning experience, that not all interviewers are equal, that there is a takeaway that can improve their skills at the process. Always remember, that the steps to a successful interview are well worth the patience, preparation and self-assurance. The job that gets away, is not likely the right job anyway. On a positive note, being turned down for one job leaves the door open for the right job for both parties. The key is to be self-aware and confident that the right opportunity will come along at just the right time. Never give up – most others go through the same difficulties.
Thank you for sharing these valuable pointers. Your input is most precious because it gives reflections from both angles – interviewer and interviewee.
I believe when the mom reads your comments and then shares with her son, may will be at ease. I love that you highlight spontaneity. Perhaps this is the approach better suited for her son. She can now focus on getting him to relax while sharing and selling what he can ‘bring to the table’ thus his best assets to the company. Certainly, his benefit(s) to the company will shine.
It is great too, to make note of apparel. Far too many times our youngsters (just starting out) on the workforce do not have suitable clothing. I love how you emphasized cleanliness and tidiness over perfect clothing. You have given so many great ‘food for thought’ pointers here. We can all learn a ‘thing or two’ from your comments and that of compassion for new and ‘green’ interviewees just getting the hang of how to sit at the other end of the table from his/her interviewer.
It does take a dose of maturity and care to approach the interviewee with such wise, thoughtful and tender manners.
Thank you for your great additions to this conversation,
Dr. Cherrye